Helping a loved one who is a victim of a scam.

Scams have become more prevalent in recent years, and with that, more education on how to avoid becoming a victim is available. But not everyone is able to identify a scam when it happens to them, and they end up losing significant amounts of money. Sometimes, it takes an outsider who is not emotionally invested in the event to point out red flags and help the person who has become a victim figure out the next steps and attempt to recover some of the stolen money.

“Unfortunately, we see this often where customers are victims of scams,” said Sarah Clark, senior manager, consumer servicing at Commerce Bank. “And some of the stories are heartbreaking.”

Scammers will usually play on a person’s emotions to gain trust and use a sense of urgency to complete the scam.

“We’ve had some cases where it’s taken several conversations with our customer before they finally believe they were involved in a scam,” said Clark. “These are often the ones that make the biggest impression.”

Recognizing the signs of a scam

Signs of a scam can often be clouded by a victim’s desire to believe whatever the scammer is telling them. They don’t want to acknowledge they have been tricked. This can be a heartbreaking situation if the victim is someone close to you.

“We often think it can’t happen to me or anyone I know, we are smart, we know what to look out for. It’s this thinking that can catch you off guard.” said Clark. “A scammer’s full-time job is to trick and deceive someone for their own financial gains and they are good at what they do.”

The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau opens in a new window has some common red flags that indicate the person your loved one is talking to is a scammer:

• The person claims to be a government or law enforcement official, from a bank, or family member and asks for money. Officials and financial institutions will never ask for money.
• The person asks them to pay money or taxes to claim a prize. A legitimate prize will not require you to make any kind of payment — tax or otherwise.
• They ask for money or cryptocurrency to be transferred or a gift card to be sent to them. Money should never be sent to someone your loved one doesn’t personally know.
• They ask for ATM PIN numbers or financial institution passwords. Never share personal information, including codes that are connected to a financial institution.
• They pressure your loved one with a sense of urgency. Urgency is often used to pressure the victim to act before having a chance to think about whether what they’re being asked for makes sense.
• They send a link or QR code to scan. Never click on or scan a code from an unknown source. Scammers can use malicious websites to access the victim’s devices.

“The one question to always ask yourself is, does this make sense? It’s through this question and pause that you have the best chance at preventing yourself or someone you know from becoming a victim of a scam,” said Clark.

How to approach the conversation

It can be really difficult for someone who has been scammed to admit it to both themself and someone else. If you suspect a loved one has been scammed, it’s important to stay calm and not blame the victim.

“Having empathy and a sense of understanding is crucial during this conversation,” said Clark. “Your loved one could feel a sense of shame and guilt upon realizing they fell for a scam. Now is the time they need your support and assistance in moving forward and how to protect themselves from further exposure.”

Here are the Federal Trade Commission’s opens in a new window recommendations on how to approach the conversation with your loved one:

• Lead with empathy. Do not criticize the victim. It is not their fault. Scams can happen to anyone.
• Let them tell their story. By talking about what happened you can both determine what the red flags were in the situation, which can help the victim from falling for a similar scam in the future.
• Validate their story. It can be hard for the victim to not blame themself. Remind your loved one that the scammer’s job is to trick people into giving them money. The only person to blame is the scammer.
• Ask what we can do next together. Determine if any personal information was stolen, and decide what the next steps should be to protect that information. If money was stolen, contact law enforcement.

“It’s a good idea to discuss how you might be able to prevent a situation like this from occurring again in the future,” said Clark. “Continue to have check-ins and provide love and support as their feelings of being a victim won’t disappear overnight.”

Steps to take if a scam is confirmed

If you or a loved one becomes the victim of a scam, the first thing to do is to report the fraud. Commerce Bank has a great step-by-step resource outlining all the agencies that should be contacted.

Step 1: Contact one of the three credit bureaus: Equifax opens in a new window, Experian opens in a new window, or TransUnion opens in a new window. Once you contact one of them, they will notify the others.

Step 2: Call the financial institution where the fraud occurred. For example, if the scammer stole money from your loved one’s Commerce Bank account, call us at 800-453-2265. You will need to help your loved one open new accounts and choose new PIN numbers and passwords. To be safe, it’s a good idea to also call any other financial institutions your loved one has accounts with and ask what they recommend.

Step 3: Contact the Federal Trade Commission opens in a new window. They will be able to help in the investigation and help possibly recover the stolen money.

Step 4: Write down the name and phone number of each person you talk to at each financial institution and law enforcement agency. Also write down any case numbers or investigation numbers.

Step 5: Call your local police department and file a report.

Preventative measures for the future

It can be really difficult for a victim to admit to themselves they fell for a scam. Keep reminding your loved one that they are not at fault — anyone can become the victim of a scam. By empathizing with the situation, you can help them place blame on the scammer instead of themself.

Contact law enforcement and report the scam to the proper agencies. By acting quickly, you can not only take steps to possibly recover your loved one’s money, but also protect other individuals from falling victim to the same scam.